“Our trauma is our teaching, our trauma leads to love through shifts of consciousness.”
This is a raw and unfinished story that is continuously edited
Jin Zhi Yu Ye (born in 1967), is an international and multidisciplinary artist from Anhui Province, China who studied at Central Saint Martins in 2007. She presents a unique and deeply personal exploration of various concepts that hold equal significance for her: The fascination with the traditional Chinese practice of foot binding, the reclamation of female identity, and the ongoing discourse surrounding femininity in China. While femininity remains at the core of Jin Zhi's artistic expression, she provides historical context by examining broader societal factors and their influence on modern women today.
Her artistic journey is a powerful and courageous one, tightly interwoven with the intricacies of her mental illness, which she transforms into a profound means of self-expression and healing. Despite living with a 98 personality disorder, she defies the odds, navigating own identity. Her borderline personality, which she studied during her time at CSM, allowed her to confront herself, adding depth to her thoughts and enabling her to overcome her learning disability. She describes it as having 98 brains like many assistants. They produced large quantities of imagination, patterns, words, and dialogues, akin to a massive theatre screen, filled with complexities.
Her artistic journey is a powerful and courageous one, tightly interwoven with the intricacies of her mental illness, which she transforms into a profound means of self-expression and healing. Despite living with a 98 personality disorder, she defies the odds, navigating own identity. Her borderline personality, which she studied during her time at CSM, allowed her to confront herself, adding depth to her thoughts and enabling her to overcome her learning disability. She describes it as having 98 brains like many assistants. They produced large quantities of imagination, patterns, words, and dialogues, akin to a massive theatre screen, filled with complexities.
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However, it also felt like having 100 characters fighting and entertaining each other, leading to the creation of traumatic andextremely fascinating pictures. To express what she heard and saw, she had to write and paint with vibrant colours and intricate structures, which could be emotionally exhausting but incredibly healing to calm those characters down. Her books are rooted in a history of heart-wrenching origins, her mental health struggles began with a haunting past of physical violence, sexual abuse, and a harrowing confinement in a toilet at a young age of 7. The darkness only deepened as her parents (whom also suffered from mental illness), who were also desperate wanting a son, nearly brought her life to a tragic end.
“I will not let you repeat my fate, your mother’s fate.”
Jin Zhi Yu Ye has dedicated several years to writing two remarkable books, Red Breasts and Six Breasts, providing a profound biography of China's history from the 1960s to the 1990s. These books capture the tumultuous period of the Cultural Revolution, which brought chaos and brutal damage to Chinese society. With her marvellous and chaotic writing style, Jin Zhi paints an authentic account of Chairman Mao's regime, the devastating famine it caused, and China's subsequent opening to the Western world under Deng Xiaoping. The true story weaves together a compelling vision of life in China, from hard line communism in the 1960’s to state capitalism in the 1990’s. It has a powerful, rich mix of strong characters, sharp and vivid observations and explore the most unforgettable period of China.
Red Breasts
Red Breasts, the first book, is a sensual and evocative account that spans from 1967 to the late 1980s, following the journey of a young girl into womanhood during the revolutionary movement in China under Chairman Mao. Set in the village of Anhui Province, the story revolves around the protagonist's grandmother, initially depicting her struggles with foot binding, suffering, and traumatic experiences, juxtaposed with her lovingly cooked food.
The society during this time was terrifying, with women being required to wear the same clothes for nine years and widespread starvation and hunger prevailing throughout the country. The little girl's challenging childhood experiences profoundly shaped her. Eventually, she escapes to the city, where she encounters public kitchen chefs, intellectuals, informal lessons, and omnipresent rubbish dumps. Despite enduring mental and physical abuse from her parents and the challenging direction her life takes, she never relinquishes her passion for reading and writing.
The books artfully blend recent Chinese history with personal experiences, presenting the socio-political context through compelling stories and fascinating characters.
Six Breasts
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“Since that moment, I had you, I had a plan for you, you must read and write!”
Throughout her journey from childhood to adulthood, she meditates on her words, relying on survival instincts and intuition. Her writing style is rich in imagery and emotional depth, capturing the essence of true expression and reflection amidst challenging circumstances.
Before she set foot in the halls of Central Saint Martins in 2007, Jin Zhi embarked on her own journey of self-education in China, although being in school for only three years, driven by her grandmother's unwavering determination to break the shackles of suffering in their lineage. Her escape to the Western world in 2004, along with her daughter, proved to be her salvation, as she honed her artistic craft.
Whilst studying in London, she was hungry for opportunity and spiritual awakening. Now, she stands tall, reclaiming her female identity, and has inspired students and others to overcome their own painful pasts through the art of therapy.
Jin Zhi found magic - a transformative force that enabled her to emerge as a powerful and liberated woman. It became her means of self-expression, self-observation, self-healing, and empowerment, allowing her to soar above the hardships that once held her back.
Memory of my Grandmother (Nai Nai, she was my mother)
Three-Cun Lily Feet
Miss Jin 1914 - 1987
Nobody knows her real name, we only know her name is Miss Jin. She was not that important. On her mudstone when she was being buried in the mudhouse with her coffin, her name was curved : 'Miss Jin, 1914 - 1987'. She laid down in her black coffin, her little tiny body was very boney, she wore her embroidered three cun lily shoes and her butterfly button black tunic top was worn tightly and organised. She had spent many years to prepare her funeral and her clothes. That was the biggest dedication to herself.
My Nai Nai had two Gods:
Chairman Mao and her old wooden box.
The wooden box was her first secret God.
Her wooden box was sat beside her coffin to signify her value. Every morning she had a secret ritual that she did in her bed. Praying to her secret God of this wooden box wrapped in cloth. Inside the box there was a hidden dry virgin blood cloth from her wedding night - her virginity which was shattered by sex with Ye - ye, her husband.
Her virgin blood that stained the cloth was evidence of her significant values as a pure virgin. This was so important for our family and for me as a woman to remember. To remember her life, her value, to emphasise her value of being a virgin, never shamed for our family and our ancestors. For her daughters, for her granddaughters, for her granddaughters grandaughters, for all the generations.
NAI-NAI "three-cun lily foot-binding"
Emphasises fetishisation purity and virginity and dignity
"skimmed over the top of golden lilies"
Chinese custom of foot-binding history
The Chinese custom of foot-binding was breaking and tightly binding the feet of young girls to change their shape and size. Foot binding began late in the Tang Dynasty (618-906) and it gradually spread through the upper class during the Song Dynasty (960-1297). During the Ming period (1368-1644) and the Ching Dynasty(1644-1911) the custom of foot binding spread through the overwhelming majority of the Chinese population until it was finally outlawed in the 1911 Revolution of Sun Yat-Sen.
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Bound feet became a major erotic zone and a sexual fetish. It was believed that the way foot binding made a woman walk strengthened the vagina and made it more narrow. The buttocks and "jade gate" of the girls were said to develop to the point where she could grip her husband's penis more tightly. The tiny feet are wrapping the man's penis. Because when the feet cannot walk properly, their walking is warped, like pigeons, massaging the vagina's muscles.
Women could "hold half the sky" during Chairman Mao's time, but women with bound feet couldn't. That culture continues in hidden ways. Cultural encouragement is deeply buried in the roots. How does traditional Chinese culture remain underneath through all the changes China has undergone? How much do the old attitudes persist and affect the love of modern Chinese women?
'Her feet made it difficult for her to walk fast, they resembled lotus buds sculpted by time and ritual. Her toes curled into the crevice of her sole, her weight fell onto the big toe, the skin dry and prune-like.'
Quotation Jin Zhi Yu Ye's autobiography, 'Red Breasts'.
"You must listen carefuly BigRedSeed, remember you can be ugly as a female pig. Keeping your virginity is everything for you."
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But you must be virgin before you mary. Pure virginity is like a lotus flower, standing on the mud with purity and dignity. Nai Nai smiled proudly with harsh muscles. That was a shiny day in our small compost garden. In the summer afternoon in this garden, it was hot and sweaty, humid, but my back feel freezing cold, I was watching her smile with her harsh muscles on her cheeks, and she was embroidering her tiny shoes, the three cun lily tiny shoes. I was asked her, "How can you keep my virginity?" I even didn't know what virginity was at the time. I was sawing up with my little needles. Her face muscles was becoming more harsh with her heavy wrinkles that looked like cracking in dried up mud. "I love you so much, I had to rescue you. Remember you can ugly like a female pig but..."
'What A Wonderful World'
Central Saint Matins
2007
I drew this portrait in my victorian house garden, I saw the water in the bird bath, I saw my face, distorted, and deepy sad. My eyes was in somewhere else. The sound of the music of the words. What A Wonderful World. With the blue and pink flowers, dancing with wind in my garden, I started to draw. I only then had a few sessions with my teacher for drawing, I started to draw with the blue, colourful oil pastels, what a wonderful world I was living in China.
I was not being blessed to be a woman.
"NO SPOUT"
The midwife held the blush baby in her arms limply as a knowing fell across the room:
"OH SUCH MISFORTUNE"
"THROW THAT THING IN THE MAHTONG"
"OH SUCH A MISFORTUNE"
My mother screamed, with tears running down her face. At that intense moment, my Nai Nai was limbing with her small binding feet, said to the midwife:
"Give the child to me, when I'm old, she will be my crutch!"
"Since that moment, I had you, I had a plan for you, you must read and write!"
Quote from my creative autobiography book, Where I Went, China 1960s - 90s.
My Nai Nai set up two clear laws which I could never cross:
And it was devastating to me and crushed me to the bottom of guilt and shame. I was raped at 7 by the neighbourhood and since that moment I was dirty and cursed. I broken the law and my Nai-Nai's fault. The culture demanded, no matter what happened, the girl must be a virgin before marriage. A non-virgin girl must be secondhand Gods.
But in the extreme way, I had to read and write to be a useful woman. This was encouraging me to continue my life. What did I inherit from Nai Nai? The brutal culture of Chinese culture. Women must be virgins. Being a woman has no value.
In chinese culture, many people came to the temple, burning the incense and prayed. Most men prayed to have loads of women to give them many sons, to continue the family line, to have a big penis, to give greater male virility and desperately drinking the long hours cooked soup that had tiger penis or dog penis. This soup was known to give men power to give greater sperm and to have better longer- lasting erected penises. It was often mixed with old gensing, ginger, tiger meat and dog penis.
"Women have long hair but short sight"
Fortune teller stroked the long wisps of his goatee reclinging as he lifted his long legs onto a rickety chair.
"Pay. Then I'll let you know if there are any balls in that womb."
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- Quote from my autobiography, I was a witness, watching in the food market, one of my favourite mamas who was the one who breast fed me and her mother in the law, wanted to pay money for this fortune teller to tell her if there is a balls in the mother's womb. It was so scary to be a woman. The woman had no value!!
"For heaven's sake.." The Fortune Teller grizzled. He dropped his legs from the chat, circling her, his milky stare fixed on her bulge
A mist clouded Ning Mama's eyes that had nothing to do with the steaming pot beneath her. Her hand drifted absently to her swollen stomach, as though to shield it from the old woman's tirade.
"That's right! Pray if you think anyone's listening to you. Pray to the Buddhi, pray to the demons. I won't waste my breath." Miss Jong jeered nastily. "Do you want to live your whole life without honour? This home is barren, forsaken; no blessed boy will cross that threshold."
"NONSENSE, NONSENSE!"
If you teach her to read and write - you think she will suddenly grow a little snake between her legs? I would sooner send a dog to school for the good it would do me!' Ye Ye sneered nastily.
Quote by Jin Zhi's Grandfather, Ye Ye, from her book 'Where I Went'.
Her feet made it difficult for her to walk fast, they resembled lotus buds sculpted by time and ritual, toes curled into the crevice of her sole, her weight fell onto the big toe, the skin dry and prune-like. In the morning, she would douse her feet with white talc and slowly wrap a cloth bandage around them before fitting them into her tiny shoes. Once in, she would rise with painful slowness and hobble about till she secured her rhythm. She would take a moment to centre her weight, and then venture out.
- Quote from the autobiography my 'Red Breasts'.
Memory of the author's grandmother Nai-Nai.
Foot binding began late in the Tang Dynasty (618-906) and it gradually spread through the upper class during the Song Dynasty. During the Ming period and the Ching Dynasty the custom of foot binding spread through the overwhelming majority of the Chinese population until 1911.
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Research sketchbook from Jin Zhi Yu Ye's daughter.
It gets worse! With the lack of circulation flesh would rot and fall off and sometimes the toes would ooze pus. The pain was said to have been excruciating especially if this process was begun at a later age. The ideal foot would fit into a shoe only three to four inches long.
A Chinese saying says,
"Every pair of small feet costs a bath (kang) of tears".
The feet had to be washed and manicured on a daily basis. If they weren't manicured properly the toe nails could cut into the instep and infection could set in. If the bindings were too tight they could cut off circulation which could lead to gangrene and blood poisoning. The feet had to be massaged and given hot and cold compresses to help relieve the pain and help improvecirculation. If all this isn't bad enough, corns would develop on the toes that were bent under and would have to be cut off with a knife.
Bound feet became a major erotic zone and a sexual fetish. It was believed that the way foot binding made a woman walk strengthened the vagina and made it more narrow. The buttocks and "jade gate” of the girls were said to develop to the pointwhere she could grip her husbands penis more tightly. The tiny feet are wrapping the man's penis.
It is difficult to imagine the suffering that these women had to endure. Here is an account from a woman that went through thisordeal: During this time, approximately one billion women had their feet bound.
"Nonsense, Nonsense! Stop it! You're an old smelling mule! My ears are bleeding from your useless drivel.”
Ye-Ye growled, shaking his bullish head as though to drive away abothersome fly.
Ye Ye, my grandfather, always brought the curse and anger and revenge to my Nai Nai because she was not able to deliver a son to him. It was her fault. Absolutely her fault.
The Fear and Shame of Being a Woman
Heavy period in Chinese history gives context.
This image from the 1960s shows Chinese people celebrating with the 'little red book', which was Chairman Mao's own sacred bible that represented his beliefs and statements. People were being brainwashed and told to adore him as a supreme leader.
CHAIRMAN MAO
OIL ON CANVAS (2013)
100cm x 170 cm
Chairman Mao's portrait as a childhood memory, portrayed like a god statue figure casted in harsh bronze. In the village no one could write their own name, but they were forced to learn how towrite Chairman Mao’s name, mother’s close, father close but no one was close as Chairman Mao.
Nai-Nai always warned me when is was little
"Be careful, he watches you everywhere."
Drawing made in
Central Saint Martin Studio (2007)
Jin Zhi Yu Ye's second books starts with the following traumatic scene:
She made herself a Jasmine tea and stared at the Shenzhen daily newspaper covered in chicken fat. These words appeared underneath with shocking silence.
OUR JOB IS TO HELP YOU REPAIR YOUR VIRGINITY.
WELCOME TO A GOLDEN FUTURE.
She deeply breathed, rubbing her eyes, , she still couldn't believe whatshe just read.
What if? What If I repair ? What if?
REPAIR YOUR VIRGINITY. WELCOME TO YOUR GOLDEN FUTURE!
These words repeated constantly in her head for all night...
The procedure has bound her to something she lost a long time ago. She touches it, it feels like Latex.
She touches it again. It's still latex. Freezing cold. How could this latex bleed?
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"Too late - you lost it..."
Nai-Nai's voice, filled with despair.
Now, you're free to go. Your sentence is over.
The fabric on the background is like old skin being sewn together to the vagina.
Nai Nai was always sewing and embroidering using this red thread, which represents her favourite colour and good luck. She would warn me to keep my virginity before marriage, Nai Nai would use the thread to rescue me as a way to sew my vagina. When I was less than 5 years old, her muscles on her face was very harsh, but I knew she loved me and that she was my mama. She would do anything to rescue me.I am re-sewing through the healing process as art as therapy and reactivating the devastating memory, as a needle sewing through, cutting a wound with red colour like blood. The relationship between healing and sewing, the needle destroys the paper but at the same time it heals; when putting two pieces together I am repairing spiritually and physically.
Landscape family portrait with eggs.
Oil Painting on canvas, 210 x 35cm
"This painting is a fairytale, the mystery behind the eggs and creatures. Threatening and dangerous, it looks like it could absorb you. The egg is symbolic of fertility in chinese culture. Jin Zhi collaborated with her daughter Nancy Jin Zhi, through the whole healing process as art as therapy as a mother and daughter duo.
Memory of the Sakura
Oil Painting on canvas, 210 x 35cm
Influenced by Chinese landscape, the symbol of egg.
Lotus Flower
Oil Painting on canvas, 170 x 100cm
The Girls
Oil Painting on canvas (2007)
140 x 100cm
Six girls as lost ghosts that are unable to express themselves in the real world so they are forced to hide.
They are both nowhere, but in a familiar place.
Invisible, vulnerable, guilty and shameful.
The hair becomes their identity as it covers their
faces, as a mask, so they are not recognised.
The beauty and the luxury of their long hair as a second skin.
The lighter ghostly figure on the far right side, is visually the boldest from the canvas. As memories as artists, was living in Shenzhen. Working with the bar girls together, they were sold fourteenth, fiftheen as virgin girls to the politicians, gangsters and business men. Their virgin blood was the same value as gold. Most of them were from the poor country side.
(2007)
In Jin Zhi's studio, there used to be a piano. She could hear a ghost playing the piano at night, making very loud and weird sounds.
She could smell death very close to her. She once invited the ghost to dance with her so she could understand why the ghost was there.
